Get It Out
by the-lesbionic-woman
Summary: (Initially a one-shot but due to very polite asks, it has been extended.) Amy adores Karma; it's written all over her face. Their journey together isn't always smooth but forever beautiful, and they both have some secrets that they're just dying to get out. Overcoming fear, though? That's the freaking hard part, isn't it?
1. Lunch

**Author's Note:** I got bored and decided to imagine a scene. I just really want to protect Amy, but we all know we can't protect her from potential heartbreak. So sad. :( Anyway, I hope you all don't totally hate it. I own nothing except an empty hamster cage and this laptop.

**Get It Out**

There are some days it's hard to meet her eyes, especially when she says something so completely off the wall that I just want to laugh and stare at her forever.

She isn't mine. She isn't mine. She isn't mine.

_She isn't mine._

I repeat it to myself like a mantra. She makes adoring eyes at Liam from across the cafeteria, and I'm pretty sure she's daydreaming about things that I don't want to know about with him. Things that make my skin crawl and bile rise up in my throat.

Guilt crushes down on me from all sides. How did it end up like this? We were only pretending; it was supposed to be fun, just another one of her silly plans that pretty much guaranteed her the dream high school life we talked about in the dark cabin of our junior high camp bunk. Now I couldn't stop noticing the way her eyes lit up or the way her lips quirked up higher on one side when she smiled goofily. I couldn't stop noticing how beautiful she was. I couldn't stop noticing _her._

I don't know what I'm feeling. This thing, it breaks my heart. I see her looking at him the way I wish she was looking at me. Am I a lesbian? How could I not know?

She tosses a grape at me.

"Where are you?" she asks me, concern washing over those wonderful eyes.

"Uh… Ri-right here," I say finally. I look down to my untouched lunch tray and wonder when we even got in the cafeteria line.

"No you're not; you're spacing out on me."

"I'm just thinking about the homework for English."

"We have homework?"

I fight down the blush that threatens to engulf my face in hot, red flames.

"Our essay? On transcendentalism?"

I pray she hasn't been paying much attention in class. She looks thoughtful, shrugs, and laughs.

"I guess I've been spacing too," she admits. "But Liam is just so hot. And he keeps sending me all these cute, flirty texts!"

"Nice," I try to be supportive. Her eyes narrow as she drops her hand on my arm.

"Amy? What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" I say hastily, my voice a lot higher than I'd intended. "I'm just distracted, that's all. Mom keeps looking at me and running into another room crying, and I don't know how much longer I can take the noise."

She suddenly leaps up from her seat and sits on my lap, wrapping me in a tight hug. I rest my head on her shoulder and close my eyes. I try not to be creepy, I really do. I try not to commit the way she smells, the way she feels, into my memory. I want to go back to a less confusing time where we're just best friends, and I don't have to deal with my heart pounding terrifyingly loud in my chest. Tears burn at the corner of my eyes, and I feel like if I don't let her go now, I may never let her go at all.

I drop my arms but she just holds on tighter.

"You can always come live with us," she murmurs into my hair.

Alarms flare in my mind.

"As much fun as that would be, I don't want to give up my bedroom after the fiasco I endured to keep it," I say.

I congratulate myself on coming up with that in the blink of an eye, but Karma doesn't seem to be at all convinced.

"I know when you're lying, Amy," she sighs, pulling back to look at me.

I drop my eyes to the table. Her stare is hot and loaded with all these questions I don't feel like I'm ready to answer.

"Amy."

She says it in such a "mom" manner that I cringe.

"What?" I snap.

"Now I know something's wrong," Karma sighs, sliding off my lap to sit next to me and grip my hand. "Tell me. I thought we were best friends."

"We are!"

She shoots me a look, and I know I can't avoid her forever. I have to say something to at least appease her. I adore everything about Karma. The last thing I want to do is lose her over some stupid place that I've found myself in. Which also means I can't exactly profess my burning love and adoration for her or she'll be weirded out then our friendship will find itself in a weird place. I can already see it now. I'll have watched everything on Netflix, and she'll have had sex multiple times with Liam in the backseat of his stupid car. Maybe they'd even end up getting married and having tons of adorable babies that can also play the guitar and sing like tiny little angels. No, I need to tell her _something _about what's going on with me lately.

But I can leave out some truths. It's not lying, not really.

"Karma, I know we started this pretending to be something we're not," I began shakily, "but I don't think I'm pretending, not anymore."

"Wait, you want to be my girlfriend?"

I hastily scoot away from her, face scarlet, defenses rising.

"No!" I shriek. "Ew, like dating my sister!"

"Whoa! I don't have cooties or anything!" she glares at me.

"No," I try again, "I just mean that I don't… I don't think I'm a hundred percent…straight…"

"Is that all this is about?" Karma asks, and I can see a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Amy, you should know I love you no matter what, Buttface. I thought you were going to ditch me to go hang out with the Teen Moms for the next eighteen years!"

"What? No!"

"Okay then," she says and scoots back closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder and taking my hand. "Still best friends forever."

"Yeah," I echo back and pray it doesn't sound as hollow out loud as it did to me, "best friends forever."


	2. Dream a Little Dream

I drop my books to the floor as soon as I got into my room. The bathroom doors between mine and the room containing the Terrible Wicked Witch of Texas are open, and I hastily jump up to shut mine, locking it tight and hoping Lauren didn't hear me come in. The last thing I want is to have a run in with her after the Friday that I had.

I feel anxious so I switch off my light and climb into bed. The stars that Karma and I had put up a long time ago, seemingly in another life, glow a dim greenish. If only I could board a spaceship, get out of Austin for a bit, maybe check out Mars or the poor icy demoted Pluto for a vacation if you know… there wasn't imminent death involved in those scenarios.

I shove my earbuds in and try to lose myself in my favorite Pandora station, but it just isn't working for me today. I keep seeing Karma's face next to mine, feeling her lips on my skin. My stomach swoops and dips. I wish I could erase that day when I decided kissing Karma in front of the whole school was a good idea.

I thought maybe if I kissed her once, I'd get this weird sensation at the back of my mind to go away. Of course life doesn't work that way. The feeling intensified and with it brought me a whole host of new problems and new feelings. All I wanted was to spend my Friday night with her in front of Netflix and maybe a Dance Mom Marathon or five. There is a new documentary coming on tonight, and I debate on calling her.

My hand reaches for the phone only for me punch in a few numbers and quickly hang up. I can't do this. I can't hear her voice right now without wanting to kiss her again.

I kissed her once, and now I can't get it out of my damn mind. I can't get _her_ off my damn mind.

I switch the station to something a little less Alt Indie Love Song to my favorite classical station. The soothing sounds of the piano wash over me, and I feel my eyes get heavy. The weight of the day, of the entire week really, seems to float away. If I could just close my eyes without seeing her face then I'll be okay.

My eyes drift shut only for her name to flash across the back of my closed lids.

"Crap!" I yell in frustration, sitting up and flinging my iPod across the room.

I hear Lauren in her room start to blast her music to drown out any signs of life coming from my room as she usually did.

I feel like I just have no escape. I want to do nothing more than run until my legs give out or drive until I run out of gas, but I suck at running and I also don't have a license. So either way, I'm stranded here, like it or not.

Usually in these funks, I'd walk over to Karma's house and sit with her on her comfy sofa while her parents made tea or some vegan cookies. I need more friends. Shane seems okay, but it was too early to just invite him over out of the blue.

I flip my lights back on. I don't have to look at the stars; I don't have to see her face. Instead, I grab a book I can get lost in and settle in my bed. My phone vibrates a couple times, but I don't hear it, finally too consumed with a world better than the one I was currently residing in.

Forget those spaceships. Just get me books.

I read until my eyes felt heavy. Before I was any the wiser, I slipped into a light sleep.

"_Amy," calls a soft, familiar voice from the other side of the door. "Amy, let me in."_

_I trudge out of bed and open the door, surprised to see Karma peering intently into my eyes the moment it swings back._

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_You weren't answering any of my calls," she says simply, draping herself over my bed and crooking her finger at me. "Come here."_

_I sit awkwardly at the edge of my bed. She just rolls her eyes and pulls me backward. We lay there in silence for a few moments until her fingers start gently tracing patterns on my bare arm. I shiver. I know she feels me shiver. The heat in my face, I'm sure, makes my cheeks the color of her terrible sunburn a couple years ago when we stayed in that cabin on the lake. She says nothing though, only continues the path up and down my arm. It's enough to lull me into a sense of security._

"_Amy?"_

"_Hmm?" I barely manage to mumble. My skin is sparking with electricity._

"_Do you love me?"_

"_Of course," I find myself saying before my brain can second guess anything my mouth decides to come up with._

"_Kiss me," she says. Commands._

_Instead of nodding or saying anything, I lean forward and capture her lips. The fireworks explode in my stomach as she runs her fingers through my hair. I feel confident enough to let my hand rest on her hip. I tangle my free hand in her hair and kiss her deeper. She tastes like Kool-Aid and freedom and… And a million other amazing things, I'm sure, but I just can't think clearly enough to describe them. She pulls away and presses soft kisses to my neck. My heart beats faster and faster until_

"Amy! Get up! Time for dinner!" Lauren shrieks.

I sit up, hand over my thudding heart.

"Crap…"


	3. Sleeping Next to You is Hard to Do

"So we should find you a secret girlfriend," Karma announces that Monday; she says it so loudly that my terrible cafeteria lunch nearly falls out of my mouth.

"Karma, I don't think-"

"Nonsense," she dismisses me. "Who do we know that's a lesbian? I mean besides you."

"Uh… I don't think we know any," I say.

"Never mind, I'll just ask Shane later," she shrugs and turns to me again. "What are we doing tonight?"

"I was just going to watch some Netflix and go to bed."

"Liam's having a party."

"No," I cut her off before she can launch into a convincing argument that I know she'd already prepared. "I kind of want to stay at home tonight."

She nods and takes my hand. "Okay, I'll see you at 7 then."

"You'd miss out on Liam's party to hang out with me?"

"I miss my best friend," she kisses my cheek. "I think one night just you and me is called for, don't you?"

I feel the blush threaten to creep up my neck.

"I would love that, Karma," I tell her seriously.

She kisses me briefly when the bell rings and skips off to her class, leaving me a pining puddle of goo. I watch as she waves hi to Liam but doesn't go up to him. A fleeting feeling of triumph rushes through me. But I'm not deluded enough to think she's going to give up chasing after him for me. I'm still a girl, and she's definitely crazy about this freaking boy.

The rest of the evening passes by in a blur of boredom and half thought out essay responses for my English assignment due on Monday, and before I know it, it's seven and Karma's waltzing into my room.

"Hi," she greets, kissing my cheek without thinking about it. She pauses but shrugs it off after I cast my eyes down to my comforter.

I clear my throat and give her a greeting. She takes the book out of my hand, tosses it down on the floor, and crawls into the side of the bed she always sleeps on. I feel incredibly awkward. I really shouldn't. We've had sleepovers a million times, but this just seems a bit different. I wonder if she feels it too. I glance at her, but she's already surfing through Netflix trying to find something she deems worthy of committing up to two hours to.

She finally settles on something semi-scary, and I finally relax, leaning against my head rest with my hands folded over my stomach. Sometimes she glances at me as if she wants to ask something. She never does though, just refocuses on the TV in front of us. About half an hour into the movie, she lays down, tugging my arm to make me get on her level. My heart flips at the closeness of her skin next to mine. I only tighten the grip my hands have on each other over my stomach.

"If I was possessed, would you befriend the demon or try to save me?" she blurts.

"I would definitely try to save you," I laugh, nudging her with my elbow. She gives me a strangely strained smile.

"What if the demon kissed you all the time?"

I nearly choke on my own saliva, but I answer it with a calm I didn't know I could possess. "I would still try to save you, Karma."

"Why?" she asks, genuinely curious.

"Because I've always liked who you were," I point out. "We've been friends forever, and you're still my favorite person."

It's getting a bit too real for me so I backpedal.

"Besides, demons smell like rotting meat apparently. You just smell like vegetables."

That gets a laugh out of her, and she swats at me. An easy silence falls over us. I feel content in this moment for the first time since I told Karma I might be an honest to God lesbian. My very real fears are hiding just under the surface still, I can feel them bubble up at random points, but right now, everything feels good, feels right. Even after Karma's weird interrogation.

She picks another movie, and I smile. It's one of my favorites. However it's also incredibly sad which means I'm going to have to stare at the ceiling halfway through and try not to cry. When it's over, the screen goes dark, leaving us under the glow stars. I can't see her, but I feel her hand over mine untangling them so she can intertwine our fingers.

My heart leaps up in my throat. I want to ask her a million different questions but I am so afraid to break this spell. I half think she's about to ask if I think leprechauns exist or not. I hear her exhale and turn to face me.

"Amy?"

"Yeah?" I can't bring myself to turn on my side too. I can't look in her eyes right now because I'm too afraid of what I'm going to see.

"I… Never mind," she huffs out. "Do you think it's too late to text Liam?"

As gently as I can, I take my hand back and walk to the bathroom. "I don't know. I'm going to change though."

I close the bathroom door and slip slowly into pajamas. I was trying to deal with my Karma-sexual thoughts as best as I could, but tonight was throwing a wrench into my plans. I didn't know what to think which seems to be an unfortunate pattern lately.

When I get back to my room, she has the lamp switched on and is leaning against my bed texting. She changed too, and I try to find some way to make my mouth not so dry. She usually dresses for comfort during our sleepovers, but tonight she's only wearing a button down shirt and some almost shorts that leave me wondering if I should sleep on the floor. Before I can blink, she puts up her phone and pushes me onto my side of the bed.

"We're going to watch American Dad until we fall asleep," she announces.

I can barely breathe as we lay next to each other. I'm praying she falls asleep soon so I can scoot further away from her, but my luck has never been the greatest. She leaves her arm against mine for hours before she finally falls asleep. I slip into my comfort zone long enough to close my eyes when I feel her arm slip around my waist, just a little under my shirt.

I have to look down to make sure my body isn't on fire. I try unsuccessfully to scoot away. She keeps pulling me back against her, each time seemingly closer than before. It's hard for me to control my breathing. My heart is beating so erratically in its prison that I half hope it wakes Karma up.

Once I realize there is nothing I could do short of fighting her off, I look up at the dim glow on my ceiling and hope she moves long enough for me to get at least _some_ sleep.


	4. Waking Up Isn't Exactly Easier

The birds are chirping. I say chirping, but I really mean shrieking and clamoring like the world is ending. As I look out of the window with one slightly open eye from under my cocoon of warmth, I see rolling, dark thunderheads. Hmm. Maybe the world _is_ ending. But until then… I snuggle back under the covers until I feel something twitch on my lower stomach.

Resisting the urge to scream, I peer down to see a familiar hand. It's just Karma.

Karma.

Oh my God.

It takes all the restraint I have not to jump up from the bed. I'm fully awake and also unfortunately fully aware. My heart is in my throat. I should move. I should _really_ move away from her.

I want to roll over, but I'm on the last spare bit of the bed on my side. She'd completely abandoned the Karma shaped indention overnight to encroach on my territory. She whines and tucks her head under my chin.

I should wake her up. Before I get the chance to, however, there is a particularly loud boom of thunder that shakes our house. She jumps and presses herself closer to me.

"Sorry," she mumbles against my neck.

"It's okay," I say softly. She's been very jumpy lately so I do the only thing I know will soothe her. I trace patterns on her back.

It even manages to lull me into a false sense of security around her. She hums against my skin, and we listen to the storm outside. The wind howls. The lights flicker. She presses a kiss to my jawline and snuggles back into me.

I am so lost in my own head. She's always been a very affectionate person, very physical, but now it's hard. I'm thankful she isn't treating me different because of what I told her. It's like she's even more affectionate than before though; it's weird and confusing and-

"Amy?"

"Y-yeah."

"What do you want to do today?"

"I guess going outside is out of the picture," I shrug slightly, "so do you have any suggestions?"

"Can't we just stay like this?" she mumbles.

Her stomach growls, and I laugh, thankful for the slight reprieve it gives my fluttering heart. I poke her stomach before we get up and search for breakfast. Or rather lunch since it's already nearly noon.

The house is very quiet. Every sound seems magnified so when Karma's phone buzzes, it scares the absolute crap out of me.

"It's Liam," she says.

"Cool."

I nibble on my toast and look at her for a moment. Her hair is messy, hanging down in her eyes so I can barely see them; my fingers itch to brush them away. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and she's biting her lip. My mind instantly returns to our most recent kiss. The blush begins to creep up so I look hastily away before she catches me.

The apology is on her lips before she actually says anything.

"He's coming to pick me up," admits Karma but it only comes out apologetic. "He's showing me his latest sculpture."

I nod and look back to my plate.

"He's been working on it for a while."

I nod again, totally uninterested in everything she's saying right now because it brings the burning jealously back up to the surface.

"It's cool."

"Okay, Karma," I say finally. I guess it comes out snappier than I intended since she looks at me so wounded that I feel like crap.

"Okay."

"Karma, I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's fine," she sighs and puts her hand on my arm. "This weekend was supposed to be just us but then I ditched you. I'm a terrible person."

"No you're not. You're just… distracted."

She cracks a smile, "That's a nice way of putting it, isn't it?"

"Maybe," I grin at her.

I hear a car honk from my driveway, and I'm just so irrationally angry he couldn't be bothered to come knock on the door. She gives me a quick kiss, gone before I can even process her lips brushing against mine.

"Wow, method acting on both of your parts now?" Lauren quips from the doorway.

"I didn't hear the villainous music swell when you entered the door today. Where's your boy toy?"

"He had practice today."

I feel awkward sharing the same breathing space since I'm fairly certain anything she finds breathable is toxic to everyone else. I turn to walk away.

"Amy, wait a second," she sighs like whatever is coming next pains her to say. Oh, I hope it does. "I'm sorry for Homecoming."

"Wait, what?" I ask in genuine shock.

"I really did try to stop your mom from coming," she admits. "I was going to try to get her to leave before she hawk-eyed Karma's tiara from across the room."

"Oh, uh," this is awkward, "thank you, Lauren."

"Don't mention it," she says before snobbishly adding, "For real though. Don't. Ever. Speak of this."

Done. I nod and scurry back to my room.

I pick my book up from the floor, flipping until I find my bookmark. The moment I sit on my bed, I smell her. The soft citrus smell she uses for everything envelopes me like a heady cloud.

I find myself wishing on every star on my ceiling for these feelings to go away. I miss the days where my bed was my safe place, where I could lay with Karma right next to her and not feel like I was going to catch fire, where she was my best friend and I could breathe around her.

My phone buzzes.

I swear it's like she always knows when I'm thinking about her. It's almost creepy.

**Karma: I'm sorry again.**

I reply back with, **It's fine. Have fun with Liam.**

**Karma: You're mad.**

**No, I'm not.**

**Karma: Well you're disappointed.**

**So? Have fun, text me later.**

I put down my phone and ignore the four buzzes that follow.

Maybe I _do_ need a secret girlfriend after all.


	5. The Same Achilles Heel

"Amy!" she calls, rushing down the hall after me.

"Hey," I greet her as nonchalantly as I can. She watches me put up my books.

"Are you mad?" Karma asks nervously. "You know, for kind of ditching you?"

"What? No," I say. I don't look at her.

"You're upset."

"Drop it, Karma. I have to get to class."

"But we'll talk later, right?" she calls after me desperately. "Right?"

"Yeah," I throw over my shoulder. "Sure."

I don't see her until the end of lunch. I roll my eyes as she races over to me, purse haphazardly flying everywhere. I just dump my trash and keep walking though she trails after me.

"I'm sorry, Liam had something to show me."

"His tongue?" I snap. "If you're not going to hang out with me, let me know."

"It isn't like that, I promise!"

She grabs my hand but I yank it away. I don't want to feel anything right now but my frustration and anger so I turn to go as the bell rings. She grabs my arm this time, spins me around.

"Karma, wha-"

Then she's kissing me more passionately than I have ever been kissed in my short life. My heart stops then roars back to life, blood pulsing through my veins in a quick rhythm. Her tongue skates over my lip and I pull away abruptly.

"Amy, I…," she trails off, looking lost.

I clench my jaw. I don't even realize how contemptuous I must be looking at her, but I watch the shame creep up her neck and heat her face. Tears fill her beautiful eyes, and all I can think of is she just finished making out with Liam. He had his hands all over her, running up her sides, tangling rough fingers in his hair.

"What is going on with you?"

"I don't know," she sobs and sinks to the ground.

Guilt crashes over me like a tidal wave. I sit down next to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders as the late bell rings. She sniffles and buries her face in my shoulder.

"I just feel so torn all the time," admits Karma as she traces something on my jeans with her forefinger.

"If you spent less time bailing on me, we could talk about it," I say gently.

"I'm so freaking sorry, Amy. I feel like I'm constantly apologizing because I'm constantly doing stuff I need to apologize to you for these days. Why did I get us into this mess?"

"I don't know, but we're late," I tell her. "So let's just… ditch. Wanna come?"

"I'm impressed," she says, managing a watery smile. "Usually I'm the one with the crazy ideas."

I shrug and take her hand, ignoring the wolf whistles of a few straggling students. I tug her into my side, and Karma wraps her arms around my waist. I feel elated, suddenly lifted fifty feet off the ground. Hope flares in my chest. Maybe she could… We can…

But then I remember kissing Oliver just like Karma had kissed me to prove a point. Was Karma proving to herself something I didn't realize? Just like that I'd crashed back to earth, and she was waving a hand in front of my face.

"Where did you go?"

"Karma," I begin when we were a few blocks from the school. "What's going on?"

"I'm just regretting a lot of the lies."

"Oh?"

"I don't want people to think I don't love you," Love? "but I also don't want to keep having to sneak around with Liam all the time either."

"Oh."

"With him, I feel wanted," she goes on after the silence has settled down over us so suffocating and thick that we can barely breathe, "But with you I feel special. Loved, you know?"

I can't really say anything to that. The words fall and die on my lips, and she seems to know that. She just squeezes my hand and says nothing else until we get to my house. She immediately falls on my bed. Once I'm safely on my side, she claps out the lights and we look at the stars. This position is so familiar. It's so comfortable, and I can only hope my mom doesn't walk in and break this spell that we're under.

"You keep kissing me when you don't have to," I say quietly.

I curse myself even as the words tumble stupidly out of my mouth. She freezes. I can feel her heart beating, and for once, it may be even faster than my own.

"It's become a habit," she finally responds, sifting my hair through her fingers.

I feel brave so I trace my name on her hip with my fingertips and revel at the goosebumps that rise on her skin. I can still feel her heart beating a cadence against my ear. I am drunk on this moment; who needs to go to parties at Shane's? Alcohol just doesn't compare. I hum contentedly. Karma sings softly for a while which lulls me even further into the comfort of her lying right up against me. The warmth of her skin and the softness of her voice makes me feel heavy with sleep and dizzy with emotions.

"A bad habit?" I have to ask.

"Not necessarily," she says lightly.

"Karma?"

"I know what you're going to ask," she sighs, scratching lightly at my scalp. "Another time, Amy. Another day, I promise, okay?"

"I'm going to hold you to that, you know?" I say sleepily.

"Oh, I wouldn't expect anything less of you, Miss Raudenfeld."

"You better not, Miss Ashcroft."

I press a light kiss to her collarbone, and the last thing I hear before I succumb to a light sleep is her small little gasp that echoes in my ears long after my eyes are closed.


	6. This Crush is Crushing

_Fingers brush down my arm, to my fingers, to my side to come to rest on my stomach. Karma whispers my name in my ear, and my eyes fly open at the tingle of her lips brushing against my skin. I turn to see her face so close to mine that I can smell her toothpaste washing over my lips; she's leaning in to me as she slides her hand down to my hip to turn me into her. My heart isn't even racing anymore. I'm pretty sure it's going at the speed of light._

"_Karma?" I ask, hating how small my voice sounds in the dark, quiet room._

"_Amy," she says with a smile. She squeezes my hip. "Is this… Is this okay?"_

_I barely nod before she crashes her lips to mine. I say crash because it feels like a tidal wave washing over me, and I can't even swim anymore. I feel like she and I have so much power but we need to feed on each other. My heart is going at warp speed. All I can think of is how amazing her mouth is, how soft her skin is. She always smells of citrus and freedom, but tonight there's something different in the air. This moment is so heavy with things I've wanted for what seems like forever._

_She deepens the kiss, tangling her hands in my hair, and I respond in kind. I can't believe how much I want this. As her hand wanders to my collarbone, I only think about stopping her for a millisecond as she's stroking the soft skin she finds there. What about Liam? Her hand starts to trail lower. I break away from her._

"_What about Liam?" I blurt suddenly. Her eyes are so dark._

"_What about him?" she asks, her tone husky and careless. It makes me shiver._

"_Karma."_

"_Can't we have a girls' weekend? I haven't done anything with him. Remember? With you I feel special, and I…," she breaks off, "I want to feel special. I want it to be special, Amy."_

_Her voice is heavy and sincere; it takes all the strength I have to wait three seconds before leaning back into her lips. Her arms go around me, resting on the small of my back. I kiss her with all the passion I never knew I had. I coax my name from her lips. I pry the sweet sound of whimpers and moans out of the back of her throat just as her hands are forcing her name out of mine._

"_Amy, oh my God," Karma sounds breathily, "I'm gonna-"_

**CRASH!**

I jump up from the bed, literally jump up and away, only to fall over my own legs and land painfully on the floor. Karma is looking guilty from the other side of the bed, clutching pieces of broken glass. I'm so disoriented by my jarring wake up that I barely register any of my surroundings until she calls to me. I snap back into reality so fast I nearly get whiplash.

"Karma?" I repeat, running my hands through my messy, bed-tangled hair. "What- What's going on?"

"I-"

"Is that _glass_?" I nearly shriek and run over to her, yanking the pieces away from her. "Are you okay?"

A smile tugs at the corner of her lips before she says, "Yes."

I watch in concern as her face grows serious again. She plays with the hem of her skirt, and I immediately hone in on this nervous behavior. I look up to study her eyes, but she won't look at me. What is going on?

"Karma?"

"We should have a threesome with Liam," she blurts.

"I'm _sorry_?!" I shriek. "What was that?"

"I just," she tries to begin, but I watch the words die on her lips.

She sits heavily on the bed, and even though I'm really freaked out, I sit next to her and take her hand. It's so easy. It's so incredibly mind-boggling how easily we fall into the routine of being girlfriends. I resist the urge to call her baby.

"Karma, what's wrong?"

"I'm so nervous to have sex," she says then laughs a little. "I want to have sex with Liam, but I mean… there's so much that keeps running through my mind. I'm not sure if I can do it."

"Then don't," I say quickly. "Just wait!"

"I don't want to do that either," sighs Karma before she raises her eyes to meet mine. "I need you there."

"Karma, I don't think you remember the conversation we had the other day," I begin slowly. "I am not exactly the picture of heterosexuality. I definitely do not want Liam Booker touching me anywhere."

"He doesn't have to touch you," she says quickly. "I won't let him."

"I don't want to touch him either," I groan. "I am not okay with this, Karma."

"Don't touch him!" Karma breathes in so deeply, I can almost see her frustration with the rise and fall of her chest. Then she says in a whisper so quiet I nearly miss it, "Just… touch me."

Everything stops. My heart stops, my breath stops, and my hands immediately still and freeze in hers. She's looking at me so hopefully that it nearly kills me.

"Amy, you're my best friend," she whispers, moving her hand to play with the hair that has fallen in my face. "I trust you."

"I don't know," I say slowly to which she only nods.

"Think about it, okay?"

I don't say anything as she gets up and kisses me gently. Her lips move softly against mine, and her nails are lightly scratching at my scalp. She pulls away, taking my breath and my heart with her as she walks into the kitchen to get breakfast for us.

As soon as her skirt disappears into the hallway, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I adore Karma with every inch of my body and heart, but I am so taken aback by her proposition that I feel dizzy. Does she know? Does she know about my feelings for her? Is she taking advantage of them so I can help her with just one more scheme?

Anger and frustration bubble in my stomach, making me feel sick. Memories of my dream flash through my mind followed quickly by her words.

"_Just… touch me._"

I bite my lip. Did other high school kids have to deal with situations like this or am I stuck in some warped universe? Does everyone end up falling for their best friend at some point? Because I want to talk to them. I hate this. I just miss not over-analyzing every little thing. Does she feel something too? Or am I imagining it because I want her to? Is there a reason she keeps kissing me? Is this just a best friends thing? Could it be something more?

My mind is so jumbled up even as the most burning question shoves its way to the forefront of the messiness of my head.

Is the temptation of actually touching Karma so much more than my desire to _not_ see Liam naked? I want nothing more for her first time to be special, amazing. I don't think a threesome is the answer to her nerves. I hear her start to walk back, and I don't even know what I'll say.

I just hope she doesn't give me that face.

I can never say no to that face.


End file.
